Talking to Someone Struggling with Infertility.
Let's chat.
If you are new here, hi! Welcome to the Making a Mama blog!☺ I am Alexis, and I am here to share my journey through infertility. I am by no means an expert on all things infertility, but I am human, and I do have feelings. If you are struggling with infertility, have you ever had anything said to you that makes you extremely uncomfortable? For example, you're attending a family barbecue when the dreaded questions start. "When are you two going to have a baby?" or "It's about time, isn't it?". A knife goes through your heart with each question. I feel like there needs to be a guidebook when talking to someone who is struggling with infertility. In my experience, seemingly innocent questions and comments can send you home in tears and make you feel more defeated than ever. Despite the frustration, you continue your journey to start a family. Every doctor visit and a new form of treatment every month, nothing seems to be different. This often leads you to another uncomfortable conversation with people who think it will be helpful. "If it is meant to be, it'll be." "Don't be stressed; that doesn't help the process." I could go on and on about all the things that were said with the best of intentions, but each one was hurtful in its own way.
When talking to someone struggling, you should sensitively ask how you can help. A simple question like "is there anything I can do to support you?" can go a long way. It is essential to be kind and mindful; not everyone will react to these conversations similarly. The grief and loss can be unimaginable, and the people around you act like it's no big deal. They throw things like, "at least you have time to enjoy your life." They say, "at least you can continue to travel and sleep in; that must be great." More and more knives because they don't understand the emotional toll it takes every time people say that to you. Be bold and lead these conversations; let someone know when they are overstepping a boundary. YOU CAN DO THIS, FRIEND! It is crucial to remember your feelings are valid. If you want, you can decline the party invitations because you can't stomach the thought that you could've been celebrating your son or daughter's 1st birthday. You can grieve the loss of a child you haven't held yet. You can grieve any way you want to throughout your journey. After all, this is your story, and nobody's story is the same.
If you are a friend to someone struggling, please remember not everyone gets to end their fertility journey with a child.
If you are struggling, welcome to my village, your safe space. ♡
